Lesson sixteen: Because I said so

We’re on week three of ‘Why?’ All hope is lost. Send help and an encyclopedia.


Well, apparently I know nothing about the world around me and any explanations I am able to offer are not satisfactory.


Because you’re a toddler and there’s no known cure.


I don’t know, because of brain development or something…


Because one minute you’re a toddler asking Why? and the next minute you’re pretending to be an adult fighting with a car seat.


You have to wear a seatbelt.


So if we’re in a car accident, you don’t fly around the car and hurt yourself and the rest of us.


You’re not a bird.


Well, we don’t have feathers or the muscle mass to support flight. I suppose we could go the way of the Ostrich but ornamental wings look like a lot of faff, we’d need a whole new wardrobe for starters and ostriches look like angry fuckers. I mean there’s bumble bees who shouldn’t really be able to fly, I guess physics gave them a pass but I doubt they’d do the same for us. We’re losing focus, just sit down in your car seat please.


Because of the flightless bird scenario we just discussed. Though maybe you’re on to something. Would you be more cooperative sitting on an ostrich rather than the car seat? They run pretty quick, better fuel economy, not sure we have the grazing lands though. And they’re probably endangered anyway.


In short, humans can be dicks. Just look at the state of the oceans or Christmas cake and cheese (I mean really Yorkshire get your act together). Look, we’re really off track now if I could just clip you in…




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