Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes batshit things happen ALL THE TIME to the same person which forces us to question, why? What did you do to the universe?

The family group chat this morning:

Brother DD: Did you leave your son’s tooth here? I’ve just found one stuck to my piece of apple I put down by the bed….. bit gross….. still eating the apple though

Sister DD: Erm… no, we brought it home and the tooth fairy collected it. Lords knows what that is!

Brother DD: Well where the hell did this one come from??!! It’s a front tooth, ours lost them years ago. Mine are all accounted for. Are you *sure* you took his tooth home and didn’t accidentally pick up a fleck of cheese or a bit of peanut? Seems like too much of a coincidence.

**insert picture of tooth Sibling 2 definitely took home**

Sister DD: This is both brilliant and disturbing – may be it was already in the Apple when you bought it.

Brother DD: Who the actual fuck does this belong to?!!!

Brother DD’s girlfriend: Just waiting to find locks of hair now

(At this point the group chat decended in to tales of how our brother attracts this kind of shit. He got blood poisoning from the oversized cactus our Dad bought and named after me when I left home, he nearly died when he drank from a ditch in high school (something he recreated a few weeks back to check out his ‘life straw’), he nearly drowned going headfirst between two barrels he’d fashioned in to a raft on scout camp, he cut his finger off and there was the great Turkey plucking of 2016 which I don’t go in to right now.)


1. Borrowers. I don’t believe that for a second, the tooth is way too big.

2. Rodents. The most logical solution in my mind but apparently no. They grow their teeth constantly so wouldnt lose a tooth like this.

3. There are people living in that house we’re not aware of. Highly plausible.

4. It’s a coded plea for help from apple farmers (though the offending fruit was from the garden and we treat our apple farmers very well so it couldn’t possibly be that)

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