Safety razor

This has nothing to do with dogs or dependents so if you came to this page for pics of cute pups and have found yourself reading about how I avoided a DYI labiaplasty, sorry about that. 

I’ve been trying to swap out single use items for products with longer life spans so before Christmas I bought a safety razor. I’m one of the clumsiest people to survive to the ripe age of 28 but after six months with the razor, I’ve still got all my limbs, 10 fingers and 10 toes. Gold star for me, though I’m from Norfolk so the original figure may have been much, much higher.

So these are the top tips of a barely functioning adult female using a safety razor:

  1. Read the instructions. I hate reading the instructions but in some circumstances, like taking a blade dangerously to your fun zone, I make an exception. For the few men that might read this, if you say ‘balls to it’ and don’t read the instructions, please do not take it to your balls. If you do read the instructions you’ll see some very strict wording about not using the blade on anything other than a perfectly formed male face. A reliable source informs me this is because they are marketed towards men and understandably want to avoid them chopping their testicles off. On a side note it seems you all lit a few too many candles for Mr DDs balls because his stupid super sperm won’t die and now the only route to a condom free life may be an ‘accident’ with the safety razor.
  2. They don’t come with a cover as standard. Buy the cover.
  3. Upon celebrating not slicing your leg off don’t do a happy dance in the shower, slip and throw your hip out. You’re not 19 anymore fool.
  4. As with all good things, go slow.
  5. Use the money saved to buy cake, because life is short. Eat the cake.

I got the MÜHLE Traditional Safety Razor with metal handle from Babi Pur because the handle looked like less of a slip risk than the resin options (remember, clumsy). It’s father’s day coming up so I’ll leave a link below. For those that are difficult to buy for there are stands, brushes, oils and soap dishes to cover the next few present giving events;

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