Lesson eighteen: Keep the pyjamas on

Mother [to herself]: Aren’t they playing nicely. I’ve nailed this. Mother [to children]: I’m going to get dressed my little cherubs, lights of my life, future of my world. Children: [Completely blank the person who gave them life] Mother leaves stage left Mother enters stage left Mother: Fucks sake (In the 30 seconds allotted for... Continue Reading →

For their Dada

My rules may control the fun, but you inject the fun in to this operation. That came naturally to you. You see the bigger picture. You're not offended if Daddy isn't the favourite, instead propping me up when only Mummy will do. You carry them when their legs are tired and swing them when their... Continue Reading →

Mr President

I’ve used this picture before but I thought it was pretty topical. This week the Leader of the Free World visited our tiny island. As this page is about dogs and dependants I’ll try to keep it on theme. My dogs are a very good judge of character. They are castrated and they love rolling... Continue Reading →

The MD and the Unidog

One day the MD, the Unidog and Mummy took a walk. 'So kiddo, what type of cake would you like for your birthday?' asked Mummy. "Unicorn" said the MD decisively. 'That might be a bit tric-' "UNICORN" Mummy was silent for a moment, internally cursing her choice of words. 'What flavour cake' she thought, 'FLAVOUR'.... Continue Reading →

Mrs DD; a CV

Key skills A persistent individual with a diverse, self-taught skillset and an emphasis on attachment methods, interspersed with episodes of screaming in to pillows. Recent achievements include not losing either flight risk at the supermarket, remembering to put the defrosting meat out of the dogs' reach and taking the washing out of the machine within... Continue Reading →

IS THIS YOUR TOOTH?!

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes batshit things happen ALL THE TIME to the same person which forces us to question, why? What did you do to the universe? The family group chat this morning: Brother DD: Did you leave your son's tooth here? I've just found one stuck to my piece of... Continue Reading →

Lesson sixteen: Because I said so

We’re on week three of ‘Why?’ All hope is lost. Send help and an encyclopedia. Why? Well, apparently I know nothing about the world around me and any explanations I am able to offer are not satisfactory. Why? Because you’re a toddler and there's no known cure. Why? I don't know, because of brain development... Continue Reading →

Lesson fifteen: Fear the dark

Humans are programmed to fear the dark, afterall a sabre tooth tiger could jump out and drag us away in to the dark. That's what we're told but I think there could be another reason. There's one nocturnal sound that never fails to make me freeze in fear. It cuts through the night like the... Continue Reading →

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