We’re on week three of ‘Why?’ All hope is lost. Send help and an encyclopedia. Why? Well, apparently I know nothing about the world around me and any explanations I am able to offer are not satisfactory. Why? Because you’re a toddler and there's no known cure. Why? I don't know, because of brain development... Continue Reading →
Lesson fifteen: Fear the dark
Humans are programmed to fear the dark, afterall a sabre tooth tiger could jump out and drag us away in to the dark. That's what we're told but I think there could be another reason. There's one nocturnal sound that never fails to make me freeze in fear. It cuts through the night like the... Continue Reading →
Lesson fourteen: A rant is good for the soul
I could apologise for the following swearing, but I wouldn't mean it. Don't read if you don't like fuck, because I say fuck a lot. Fuck.
My daughter isn't wearing a tutu and tiara and my son isn't head-to-toe in biege and that's hard for you because there's a chance she could be a he, or he a she, or she a she and he a he and you just wouldn't know how to type cast them?
Off you fuck.
About the DDs
The dogs; Spotty Crotch and Poo Monster. The kids; a Mini Dictator and Boob Baby. My sister tells me a mating is considered successful after the offspring has had offspring. That’s setting the bar a bit high so I’m aiming for bedtime, if we all make it to bedtime I’m winning.
The child formally known as Boob Baby
Well that's it. My body is officially mine again and I never have to breastfeed for the rest of my life. There's some real positives to this; - No more making sure my tops have easy access - No more bloody expressing - Alcohol - Lots of alcohol - Normal, regular person bras - No... Continue Reading →
Lesson twelve: There is so. much. excrement.
Looks like I'm sticking with a theme for the blog (see Lesson One); shit. I've run the numbers and the input to output ratio in this house does not add up. Every street has a fat cat that roams around getting fed by eight different families and I'm starting to wonder if my family are... Continue Reading →
Poo Monster
This one's for Poo Monster. Before Boob Baby and the MD there was Poo Monster. I remember looking at him when I was pregnant wondering how I could ever love something more than I loved his little face. Sure, Spotty Crotch was there but he barely tolerates me. He only has eyes for Mr DD,... Continue Reading →
Lesson nine: We all need a break
A week away with the DDs in the lovely St Ives was a very welcome change of scenery. I'm very grateful to be able to have nearly a year off for maternity, and to work part time when I do return, but I have to admit I'm ready to be going back. I'm looking forward... Continue Reading →
Lesson eight: Our house is a death trap
With a baby crawling about again I'm reminded what a death trap our house is. There's the choking hazards, the poisoning risks, stairs, fire, fury and four little beings hell bent on exploring each one. First up there's everything that goes in their mouths. Spotty Crotch and Boob Baby are determined to steal the MDs... Continue Reading →
Lesson six: I’m out of my depth
I've found myself out of my depth a lot this week. The poor pooches haven't been fairing well in this heat and with my husband away I haven't been able to coordinate an early morning walk for a few days. So this morning when I saw some cloud cover I got us all out of... Continue Reading →
