A guide: How to put gloves on a child

Step 1: Child complains of cold hands. Step 2: Search every consumable outlet for teeny tiny gloves.   Step 3: Proudly present new purchase to child, who throws themselves to ground in disgust at prospect of wearing gloves. Step 4: Store unloved gloves in safe place. Step 5: Forget safe place. Step 6: Child proclaims... Continue Reading →

Lockdown Letters – Part 2

From: Me and my DDsSent: Wednesday, 12 January 2021To: FamilySubject: Lockdown three, week one Hi Dad Anticipating the announcement I stocked up on some paint to do the hallways. Should have realised this was optimistic, as soon as you say wet paint the kids see ‘big red button’. Must remember to only buy water based in future, where do... Continue Reading →

Absent friends

I am stagnant. Not just with writing, with everything. I can’t be alone in being uninspired at the moment. 2020 has given me cankles, anxiety and zero drive. I’m not a total quitter, I can just about muster the enthusiasm to empty the contents of the fridge. Cankles take maintenance. As someone who doesn’t like... Continue Reading →

So how are you finding the outside world?

As an emotionally balanced, well rounded, proper grown up I’ve been preparing for my daughter starting school this September for a while now. Obviously not, I’ve been ignoring it, crying in to her baby grows and fooling myself that the 2020 shitstorm is on pause. Finally accepting this isn’t the case I took her out-out... Continue Reading →

Boundaries

Remember back in February when you thought you needed more work life balance and then March happened and now boundaries have taken a time out. How long is too long not to shower? Or dress the kids? Clean the house or leave the house? I had to fill the van up for the first time... Continue Reading →

Covid- do one

9 years ago our mum passed away. Her hand was held. The days up to her death were filled with visiting friends, she was never alone. The funeral was epic with friends, family, stories, fires and laughs. Nine years feels like long time and an instant all at once. At some point she will have... Continue Reading →

An apology

We took the van to the Lakes this weekend. It took approximately 150 Tracker bars to get the kids round the walk and two grown adults to lift the all weather hunting dog on to the scary boat at the end. We passed sheep, drenched Duke of Edinburgh students, smug runners and more sheep. We... Continue Reading →

Baby Loss Awareness Week 2019

I am exhausted, able to act out the entire Peppa Pig back catalogue, trying to figure out how to entertain them for another day. I'm one of the lucky ones. I remember being in high school and Mr A telling us periods are like losing a child once a month, so it's no wonder Mrs... Continue Reading →

Lesson eighteen: Keep the pyjamas on

Mother [to herself]: Aren’t they playing nicely. I’ve nailed this. Mother [to children]: I’m going to get dressed my little cherubs, lights of my life, future of my world. Children: [Completely blank the person who gave them life] Mother leaves stage left Mother enters stage left Mother: Fucks sake (In the 30 seconds allotted for... Continue Reading →

For their Dada

My rules may control the fun, but you inject the fun in to this operation. That came naturally to you. You see the bigger picture. You're not offended if Daddy isn't the favourite, instead propping me up when only Mummy will do. You carry them when their legs are tired and swing them when their... Continue Reading →

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